just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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