Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize