and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
