yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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