Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
