just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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