I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
