that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Pants are for mortals
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
