I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
