She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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