Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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