a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
