she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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