no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
