WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Michael Bay diarrhea
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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