haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
too bad you live with your parents still
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
