apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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