your thong is hanging out like whoa
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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