My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
