I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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