You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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