That's intense
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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