apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize