FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
