My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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