I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
