her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
