I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
