Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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