Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
