I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
