I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
