Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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