It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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