i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize