Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
