also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I supernannyed him into submission
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
