Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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