i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
