So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
