you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Never underestimate the power of titties
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
