K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
