If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize