on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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