fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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