I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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