my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
