I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
