Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize