he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
