I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize