The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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