hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
