but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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