Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
