the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
