Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
