things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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