guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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