My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
