the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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