we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
