my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
