And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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