Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
