hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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