i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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