I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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