Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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