I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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