Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just pee around me
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
