I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
