sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
