Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
