why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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