Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
