He uses pillows to masturbate.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
